


Emanuel

by krissybl



Series: All of You [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Domestic, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-03 04:23:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1730984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krissybl/pseuds/krissybl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all of Jimmy’s alters, Emanuel was the quietest. Emanuel observed everything without comment. Emanuel would never ask for anything, or indicate any discomfort or unhappiness. So, Dean had to learn what made the other man happy by watching him. While Emanuel watched the world, Dean watched Emanuel. </p><p>*As promised I am working on writing the stories of how Dean builds his relationship with each of Jimmy's alters. This is the story of Dean and Emanuel. Probably best read after the main story where all of Jimmy's personalities are introduced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Perfect Breakfast

Of all of Jimmy’s alters, Emanuel was the quietest. He and Castiel shared calm demeanors, but Castiel was always talking about the things he observed, what he found interesting. He was always asking questions trying to gain new knowledge. Emanuel observed everything without comment. Emanuel would never ask for anything, or indicate any discomfort or unhappiness. So, Dean had to learn what made the other man happy by watching him. While Emanuel watched the world, Dean watched Emanuel. 

Dean got the idea to sign them up for some volunteer work one Tuesday night while they were watching the evening news. There was a story about a group of kids who had organised a fundraiser to help the victims of a fire. As Dean watched, Emanuel’s face told him more than the man ever would himself. Emanuel’s eyes were sad when they showed the ruined homes and huddled families. His eyebrows lifted and eyes began to shine when the reporter talked about how the kids started working on ideas and calling in friends and family to help. Finally the story came to an end with footage of the children showing up with their parents and other volunteers in vans full of clothes, furniture, toys and household supplies. The final shot was of a little blonde girl hugging a boy who had just handed her a brand new teddy. Dean looked over to Emanuel. The quiet man leaned forward ever so slightly in his seat and there was a light in his eyes and a serene smile transformed his features. 

The story went to commercial and Emanuel leaned back against the couch and blinked a few times. After a few moments he looked over to Dean.

“Would you like another drink?” The smile was still in place and Dean took a moment to enjoy drinking it in before he answered.

“No thanks, Emanuel. I’m good.” Dean smiled at him and the other man’s eyes softened ever so slightly. Dean had already made progress with Cas, Levi and Castiel. They were all so much more straightforward. Godric was still a frustration as always, but Dean knew how to handle him. Emanuel was different. Dean had trouble figuring out how to get the shy man to open up. As they sat together, smiling, the news program started back up. They had moved on to a story about a safety recall on some kid’s toy. Emanuel stood and started clearing away the remnants of their dinner. Dean watched the other man move around the room, the lingering smile giving Dean an idea. 

“Hey, Emanuel?” Dean got the other man’s attention as he came back from putting their dishes in the kitchen.

“Yes, Dean?” Emanuel always held still and made eye contact when they spoke. As if he wanted to be sure that Dean knew that he had his full attention. Everything in Emanuel’s personality was in deference to others. But it wasn’t weak. Dean admired the strength in Emanuel’s quiet selflessness. 

“Uncle Bobby was telling me about this place that Ellen helps run. It’s in the basement of some church. Like a soup kitchen or something.” Dean watched Emanuel’s face closely and smiled when he saw the blue eyes light up with interest. “I guess it gets real busy there on weekends. I was thinking maybe sometime we could go lend a hand.” 

“I would very much like to help.” Emanuel smiled even brighter still and Dean silently celebrated.

“Great. I know Ellen will be happy to see us.” Dean said as Emanuel settled back onto the couch. They usually stayed very firmly at their own ends, but Dean couldn’t help noticing that Emanuel seemed to have shifted ever so slightly towards the middle of the sofa. He grinned as they turned their attention back to the end of the news report. 

********  
Dean knew when he asked Emanuel to volunteer with him that they might not be able to go that weekend. It was never a guarantee who would be around when the weekend came. As it turned out Saturday was split between Jimmy hiding in his room and Godric coming out to shout at him. Dean went to bed Saturday night still fuming about Godric’s last shouting episode, and not holding out much hope for a better Sunday. But, when he woke the next morning he smelled a homemade breakfast. Dean smiled and headed for the kitchen where he saw neatly combed hair and a soft green sweater. 

“Hey, Emanuel. That smells amazing.” He said as he leaned over the shorter man’s shoulder to see what he was doing.

“Good morning, Dean. I didn’t wake you did I? I was hoping to let you sleep until breakfast was ready.” Dean had to hold his hands firmly by his sides to keep from reaching out and smoothing away the tiny worry lines on Emanuel’s brow. 

“No, man. Woke up on my own. Anything I can do to help?” Dean knew the answer even as he asked the question. But he would always offer.

“No, thank you.” Emanuel smiled warmly. “This is going to take a bit longer. Would you like to get dressed while it finishes?” 

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be right back.” Dean stopped himself from leaning in to kiss the smiling lips. He knew exactly how they felt against his own when he was with Castiel, or Levi or Cas. But he wasn’t there yet with Emanuel. He left quickly to get washed and dressed distracting himself with thoughts of those lips. Dean imagined that they would be so much softer than Levi or Cas. And that Emanuel would be more hesitant than the curious explorations of Castiel. By the time Dean had returned to the kitchen a warm fondness had taken root in his chest. His emotions around Emanuel were much more gentle and protective than with any of the others. It made Dean feel warm and content. He felt at peace when he looked into the soft blue eyes.

Dean made it back into the kitchen in time to help Emanuel carry their plates and mugs into the living room. Dean had the random thought that they should buy a real table at some point. He sat down with his breakfast and smiled again. Eggs, over easy. Three pieces of toast with butter, because he needed two to dip in the yolks and one to put the whites on when all the yolk was gone. And bacon, crispy, just the way he liked. He picked up his coffee mug from the side table to take a sip. Just a little cream and way more sugar than was probably healthy. It was perfect. 

“Thanks for breakfast, Emanuel. This is perfect.” Dean said after savoring a sip of his sweet coffee. 

“You’re welcome. It pleases me that you like it.” And Dean could tell from his smile that it was true. Emanuel lived to make others happy.

“So I was thinking, maybe after breakfast we could head to that soup kitchen I was telling you about. Ellen stopped by Uncle Bobby’s this week and I happened to mention we might stop by. She said she’d be there today.” Dean told him through a mouthful of perfectly cooked bacon. 

“That would be wonderful.” Blue eyes shined and Dean had to clear his throat of some very unmanly emotion before he could speak.

“Awesome.” Was all he managed before he turned back to his breakfast with a happy smile plastered on his face. He’d never been particularly socially conscious, but he would give every spare second of his free time to volunteer just to see the joy in soft blue eyes.


	2. Your Eyes Shine

When they were done with breakfast Emanuel cleared up. Dean tried to help, but he was brushed off as always. Once the dishes were washed and set to dry Emanuel rejoined Dean in the living room and they headed out to the Impala. Dean pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his jacket pocket as he settled into the driver’s seat. It was the address to the church they were heading to. He started the engine up as Emanuel climbed in and buckled his seat belt. It wasn’t a long drive, and they made it in a contented silence. 

When they arrived at the church Dean pulled into a parking lot out back and headed down a set of back steps just as Ellen had instructed him. They opened a door into a cramped and outdated kitchen with cans and supplies jammed into every free space. Dean smiled as a sharp voice rang out through the small space.

“Jo, grab me another bag of flour from the closet.” Ellen was faced away from them but turned at the sound of Dean’s voice. 

“Hey, Ellen.” The blonde woman turned and glared at the two men standing in the doorway.

“Dean Winchester. It’s about time you came by to help out.” Her mock glare broke into a warm smile as she wrapped Dean in a tight hug. She pulled back to smile at the man standing just behind Dean. “It’s nice to see you, Emanuel. Has this chucklehead been treating you okay?” Dean glared at the older woman and Ellen just grinned wider. Emanuel looked between the two and tilted his head, looking like Castiel in his puzzlement. 

“It is nice to see you as well, Ellen. And yes, Dean is an excellent roommate.” Emanuel said politely.

“Oh, I’m sure he is. Great ‘roommate,’ our Dean. Best ‘roommate’ ever.” Ellen was laughing lightly and Dean glared even harder, before clearing his throat. Emanuel looked even more puzzled.

“Don’t you have work for us to do.” Dean said pointedly. Uncle Bobby and Ellen knew all about what Dean was trying to build with Jimmy and his alters. They were the only family he had left, so who else was he going to talk to about it. He wasn’t really surprised that Ellen found the need to tease him about it.

“Of course I do!” Ellen grinned a little too broadly. “Now that I have two strong young men to help me I can finally clear out all the junk clogging up our extra storage space. I’ve been too busy or Jo and I would have taken care of it. When you’re done you can help us serve lunch.”

So Ellen set them to work lugging old boxes, stacks of papers and some broken furniture out to the dumpster. When they were done moving out all the trash she thrust cleaning supplies into their hands and directed them to mop the floors, wipe down the walls and dust the corners where the cobwebs had built up. When they were done with that she pointed out some shelves that had been shoved into a corner of the kitchen. They had been donated awhile ago, but still needed to be put together. Dean groaned a bit when he caught sight of all the little pieces and terrible instructions. But, one look over at Emanuel’s serene expression and he stowed his whining and got to work. He asked Emanuel to hand him the screwdriver and together they got the shelves built and put in place. When they were finally done it was just about noon and Dean realized they had been working for about three hours. He and Emanuel headed to the kitchen where Jo handed them tall glasses of water. 

“Thanks, idjit.” Jo had spent too much time around Uncle Bobby since her mom and he had started seeing each other. Dean grinned as he remembered that he had something to tease Ellen about, too. “You too, Emanuel.” Her smile for the dark haired man was much kinder than the one she had offered Dean. Apparently he still wasn’t completely forgiven for that time he had let her get locked in a basement when they were teenagers. He had gotten her out eventually, sheesh. It was her own fault for following him around in the first place.

“It was our pleasure, Jo.” Emanuel smiled back. 

“Good. Because we aren’t through with you two just yet.” Her grin was too much like Ellen’s for Dean’s comfort. “Go get washed up through there,” she pointed to a bathroom just off the kitchen, “then we have to get lunch served. People have already started showing up.”

Dean and Emanuel took turns using scratchy brown paper towels and industrial hand soap to clean off as much of the sweat and dirt as they could. While the cleaned up Dean watched Emanuel. There was still a light of joy in his eyes and a serene smile on his face. When they re-entered the kitchen Ellen shoved aprons and hair nets into their hands and rushed away to start shouting orders at some newly arrived volunteers. Dean shrugged and put on his stained apron but held the hair net in his hand, glaring at it.

“Do we really need to put this on?” Dean asked nobody in particular.

“Of course, Dean. We would not want to contaminate anyone’s food.” He was smiling as he tucked his own dark hair up into the black netting. Dean grinned when he saw a particularly unruly lock escaping over Emanuel’s ear. Without thinking he reached out and tucked it up with the rest. Emanuel startled at the contact for a moment, before relaxing and smiling at the taller man. “Thank you.” He said quietly. 

“Anytime. Don’t want anyone’s food getting contaminated.” He grinned as he pulled the ridiculous net down over his own short, sandy hair. They stood there smiling at each other for a few moments until they were shaken out of their bubble of contentment by more shouted orders.

“Let’s go boys. Hungry folks waiting out here.” Ellen called to them. Dean took a deep breath and grabbed Emanuel’s hand to lead the way out of the kitchen. Another startled look and then Emanuel’s fingers were curling around Dean’s as they walked out to the dining room. Dean couldn’t stop the triumphant grin that settled on his face. 

The other volunteers had already set the food in warming trays and stacked all the plates, silverware and napkins. Ellen came over and pushed Dean and Emanuel to a few empty spots along the back of the table. Jo was there with a tray full of bread and some tongs. She handed Dean a ladle and pointed to a large pot on the table in front of him.

“You pass out the soup. It’s chicken noodle today.” She told him before turning to Emanuel. Her voice was once again softer when she spoke to the blue eyed man. Dean couldn’t really blame her. He was gentler around Emanuel, too. “Emanuel, do you mind dishing out the rice?”

“Of course not. I am happy to help in any way I can.” His smile was truly joyful and Dean once again had to hold himself back from kissing the soft lips in front of him. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a whack on the back of his head. He turned to glare at Jo, who was laughing.

“Stop drooling, Winchester, and pay attention.” Dean glanced over to where Emanuel looked confused again, but maybe just a little hopeful. “Mom’s opening the doors.” Jo told them. Dean and Emanuel shared one more small smile before they were inundated by a crowd of hungry people. 

As always, Emanuel was completely focussed on helping others. Dean tried to pay attention to his soup duties while watching Emanuel. Jo only had to hit him with her tongs two or three times to get him to focus. But still, he watched Emanuel as much as he could. The dark haired man kept his serene smile the whole time. As he dished out portions of rice he spoke to each person. To everyone he said “I hope you enjoy your meal.” He also told one little girl that he thought her dress was very pretty. He complimented her mother on how delightful he thought the girl was. As an elderly man came through the line Emanuel handed his spoon to Dean to pass out rice for a few minutes so that he could carry the man’s tray to a table. A woman who had clearly been living on the street for some time thanked Emanuel for the rice with a small smile. When he told her that she had lovely eyes her smile grew. Then he told her that her eyes shined when she smiled. 

When the last person had been fed Dean and Emanuel were directed to clear all the dishes away to the kitchen. Jo handed them sponges and dish soap and left to help her mother clear out the dining room. Emanuel washed while Dean dried the dishes and put them away. They worked in companionable silence for some time until Dean looked over at the other man and laughed.

“What is funny?” Emanuel asked as he stilled his hands in the dishwater and looked over at Dean. Instead of answering Dean put down the towel and moved his hand up to wipe the suds that had somehow landed on Emanuel's cheek. He did not take his hand away after he had finished clearing the soap.

“Just a little soap” He told him. “I’m glad we came here to help today.” Dean said as he caressed the soft skin gently with his thumb. 

“As am I, Dean.” Emanuel smiled and leaned ever so slightly into Dean’s touch.

“You know, your eyes shine when you smile, too.” Dean said, echoing Emanuel’s words from earlier. Emanuel blushed and went to turn his head, but Dean moved his other hand up to frame the thin face. He moved in closer until they were barely inches apart, but before he closed the gap he asked “Can I?” Emanuel swallowed and turned a slightly deeper shade of red, but nodded. 

Dean had been right. Emanuel was so much gentler. He left his hands on the sides of Emanuel’s face as their lips moved softly against each other. Dean smiled into the kiss when he felt tentative fingers leaving damp patches on his hips from the dishwater. They pulled apart abruptly when someone cleared their throat nearby.

“You know, boys, those dishes aren’t going to clean themselves.” Ellen’s tone was much more amused than it was scolding. Emanuel’s cheeks were definitely red now as he pulled back from Dean and went back to washing. Dean tried to glare at Ellen, but it lost it’s heat when she grinned and gave him a thumb’s up while Emanuel was focused on the sink. He grinned back and shooed her away with his dish towel before returning to help Emanuel with the rest of the dishes, sappy grin plastered on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, this was supposed to be short. But I didn't really get to explore Emanuel in the main story, so I got a little carried away. These first two chapters take place during the original story line. The next chapter take place afterward. I will hopefully have them up soon.


	3. Just a Stupid Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So I swear I meant for this to be much shorter. I think I just like Dean and Emanuel's dynamic too much. I hope you enjoy the rest of this short. I have no Beta and I am too tired to do much editing at the moment, so I apologize for any errors.

Jimmy doesn’t know anything about Dean’s journal and what’s in it. If he did, and if he had one of his own, the very first page would have the date August 6th written on it. But, Jimmy doesn’t have a journal. Dean was the strong one, the caretaker. His own recovery had progressed so much because he was the protector. Always had been. When Jimmy needed him, he left behind his own issues so that he could be there for Jimmy. But, that didn’t mean he was invincible. Didn’t mean that there weren’t moments of weakness. It also didn’t mean that Jimmy couldn’t take care of Dean every now and then. 

That’s exactly why, at the end of July, Jimmy had told his boss that he would need August 6th off from work. He had talked to Bobby, too. Of course the older man had already known that Dean wouldn’t be coming to work on the 6th, even though Dean hadn’t asked for it off. Before hanging up the phone Bobby had made Jimmy promise to look after Dean. And to call right away if he needed help, or if anything happened. The night before the 6th, Jimmy surreptitiously took Dean’s keys and put them away in his old room. Bobby had reminded him that Dean’s pain often turned to recklessness. It was harder to be reckless without access to a vehicle. 

Tuesday the fifth was a normal day. They followed their usual morning rituals. Dean didn’t seem any different than on any other day. They went to work, and when Jimmy called Bobby on his lunch break, Bobby said that everything seemed fine so far. When they were both home Jimmy made dinner and Dean straightened up the living room, gathering scattered laundry and tossing out junk mail. As they ate they watched TV, like they always did. Jimmy watched Dean out of the corner of his eye, searching for any sign that anything was off. He was starting to think that maybe Dean had forgotten what the next day was, or that he really was going to handle it this well. That was until it was time for bed.

After the dishes were cleared and the television had been turned off Jimmy went to gather his nightclothes so that he could get ready for bed. When he came out of the bathroom, teeth brushed and pajamas on, Dean was still sitting on the couch. He hadn’t moved an inch. He still stared at the TV even though it had been off for awhile. 

“Dean?” Jimmy walked over to their faded sofa and sat down next to the quiet man.

“Hmm?” Dean blinked as if he only just noticed Jimmy was there. “Yeah?”

“Are you coming to bed?” Jimmy asked hesitantly.

“Yeah. Of course. Let me just get ready.” Dean smiled, but it looked more like an expression of pain. Jimmy watched him grab pajamas, go to the bathroom and wash up and then head to the bedroom. Jimmy followed and saw that Dean was already in bed, back to the room. Jimmy climbed in beside him and rolled to face Dean.

“Are you ok?” He asked as he gently smoothed his hand over Dean’s shoulder.

“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” Dean said, tone just this side of defensive. “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.” With that he rolled away from Jimmy and went silent and still. But, Jimmy could tell by the tension in his spine that the other man wasn’t even close to sleeping. He sighed and moved up behind Dean. He may not know what to say but he could at least offer comfort through his proximity. When he draped his arm over Dean’s waist the other man stiffened for several long moments, but he eventually relaxed a little and laced his fingers through Jimmy’s where they rested near his chest. 

The next morning Dean’s alarm clock went off and Jimmy stiffened where he was still wrapped around Dean. Jimmy stared at the digital display and the red lights that told him it was in fact August 6th. The day that Sam and John had died. After a few moments Dean reached out and turned the buzzing machine off, but did not get out of bed. Jimmy didn’t know what to say or do. Dean had always been the one who took care of him. Had always been the one who comforted him when life was too hard. But Dean was always so guarded about his own pain. Jimmy had never gotten the chance to learn how to make Dean feel better, help him through the day. So for now he simply tightened his arm around the taller man and placed a soft kiss behind his ear. There was no response beyond a tightening of muscles. 

“Dean?” Jimmy began tentatively. “Want some breakfast?” 

“Not hungry. Just need to get ready for work.” Dean moved to get up but Jimmy pulled on his shoulder until Dean was lying on his back. 

“Bobby already knows you’re not coming in today. And I’m not going in either.” Jimmy watched as Dean’s eyes grew darker and his expression became angry.

“Why wouldn’t I go to work?” He snapped. Jimmy placed a hand on Dean’s chest to try to soothe him.

“Dean…” But Dean batted his hand away and got out of the bed, starting to pull out clothes.

“So you and Uncle Bobby have been talking about me behind my back, huh?” He slammed the closet door shut and waved his arms angrily while holding his clothes.. “Poor Dean. He can’t handle some stupid day in August. He needs to be coddled because he might have a breakdown.” He was shouting. “Well screw that. I’m fine and I’m going to work.” He slammed out of the bedroom towards the bathroom. Jimmy followed him. He got to the bathroom just as Dean slammed the door in his face. 

“Dean.” He called through the wood. “It’s ok to take a day for yourself. You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. Bobby and I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“Well I’m fine and I can tell him that myself when I get to work.” He shouted back. Jimmy didn’t want to keep having this conversation through the door, so instead he settled on the sofa and waited for Dean to come out. When he emerged a few minutes later Jimmy tried again.

“Dean. I really don’t think you should go into work today.” He said. “Bobby isn’t expecting you. He’ll probably just send you straight home.” Dean ignored him in favor of searching through the apartment for something.

“Where are my damn keys?” He growled.

“Dean, please. Come sit down.” Jimmy pleaded. He was no good at this. Dean always knew the perfect thing to say when Jimmy was hurting. Why couldn’t he think of anything useful to help Dean now?

“I don’t want to sit down!” Dean rounded on Jimmy. “I want to go to work, but I can’t find my God damn keys.”

“I took them.” Jimmy knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as it left his mouth. Dean’s expression turned angrier than ever and he finally gave up searching to stand in front of Jimmy.

“What do you mean you took them?” He was very quiet. Which was more frightening than when he had been shouting. 

“I don’t think you should go to work today. And Bobby agreed. We’re just worried about you.” Jimmy tried to reach out and take Dean’s hand but the other man jerked it back. 

“Well I don’t need you to worry about me!” He shouted loud enough that the neighbors were going to notice. “I’m not some pathetic invalid who can’t function just because of a stupid date!” Dean stopped suddenly as he heard Jimmy’s sudden intake of breath. “Shit...Shit… Jimmy I’m sorry… I didn’t mean...” But it was too late. Jimmy had already gone still.


	4. Macho Asshat

“Dean?” The confused blue eyes looked down at himself where he was sitting on the couch, still in his pajamas. “Oh. I must have fallen asleep on the couch.” His hand went up to instinctively start patting down his messy hair. 

“Damn it.” Dean fell onto the couch next to him and dropped his face in his hands. 

“Are you all right? Can I get you anything?” Emanuel was always ready to help. 

“No. I’m just such an asshole.” Dean muttered into his hands. 

“Well that isn’t true.” Emanuel smiled and moved closer. “You have certainly always been very kind to me.” He reached out to pull away one of the hands that was covering Dean’s face. Dean resisted at first but, guilt caused him to give in relatively quickly and he let Emanuel take his hand. Dean leaned back against the couch, head back and eyes closed. “Why do you think that you are an asshole?” There was the tiniest smile on Dean’s lips as the normally proper man repeated the swear. It fell away quickly though as he remembered exactly why he was an absolutely horrible person. 

“I said some really stupid shit and upset someone really important to me.” Dean mumbled. 

“Well I am sure you can just apologize.” Emanuel leaned over and placed a loving kiss on Dean’s forehead. “Let me make you some breakfast before you go to work.”

“I’m not going to work.” Dean sighed. Emanuel was already heading for the kitchen when Dean spoke. That was when Emanuel caught sight of the calendar on the wall. The calendar where Dean always put an X through the date before bed. The calendar that told him it was currently August the 6th. He turned around and went back to the couch. Emanuel sat down and pulled Dean close. Dean’s lingering guilt kept him fairly pliant. 

“Oh, Dean. I’m so sorry.” Emanuel moved his hand up to trace soothing patterns in Dean’s short hair. “Of course you aren’t going to work today.” In a strange reversal of roles Dean was slouched over with his head resting on Emanuel’s chest. It was slightly awkward due to his extra height, but the hand carding through his hair made the small discomfort worth it. “If this person you upset is really important to you, then they will understand. They will certainly forgive you. So you should forgive yourself.”

“I don’t know, Em. What I said was pretty damn awful.” He sighed and settled further into the couch and against the warm chest beneath his head. He wished that he could apologize to Jimmy for being such an insensitive bastard. Jimmy had been right. The date did bother him, but he was too busy being a macho asshat to just admit it. So now, on top of being depressed, he felt like a piece of shit. 

“I’m sure you didn’t mean it.” Emanuel continued stroking Dean’s hair and wrapped his other arm around the slumped shoulders. 

“I didn’t. I was just being a dick because I was pissed.” Dean mumbled.

“Why were you so angry?” Emanuel’s voice was full of genuine concern.

“Because I’m a dumb prick who freaks out rather than just admit when something is bothering me.” Dean groaned, replaying his awful words in his head. 

“You are not dumb.” Emanuel said as he tightened his grip around Dean’s shoulders. “Nor are you a prick. There is no shame in admitting that sometimes you need to be taken care of.” He pressed a gentle kiss into the short hair. “Dean, let me take care of you today.” Dean could only nod as a tightness creeped into his throat. Emanuel was being so kind to him, and he really didn’t feel he deserved it after the awful things he had said. But, he was also just selfish enough not to turn it down. Emanuel encouraged Dean to sit up, so that he could stand. He took Dean’s hand and walked them back into the bedroom. Without saying a word he gently pushed Dean down onto the bed, using his hands to guide the other man until he was lying comfortably on his back. 

“Em?” Dean asked as Emanuel started to unlace Dean’s boots.

“Everyone deserves a day to be pampered. Today is your day.” Emanuel smiled warmly as he pulled the first boot free and started working on the other. 

“I really don’t think I do.” Dean muttered as he covered his annoyingly prickling eyes with his arm.

“Of course you do. It saddens me that you would think otherwise.” Emanuel had gotten both boots off and was now removing Dean’s socks. When the feet were completely bare he spent several minutes pressing firm fingers into the arches, heels and ankles. Dean remained silent through the whole process. He still didn’t think he was worthy, but he had already upset Jimmy today. He didn’t want to upset Emanuel, too.

When Emanuel was done with Dean’s feet he moved gentle hands under denim to begin working on tense calves. Dean sighed and began to relax under the soothing touches. After Emanuel had moved as far up as he could under the restricting cloth, he moved forward and began unbuttoning Dean’s work shirt. His hands were not hurried or anxious. Every movement was meant to calm and soothe. When all of the buttons were undone he urged Dean to sit up so that he could remove the garment along with Dean’s undershirt. Dean still didn’t trust himself to speak as he was gently directed into a new position. Emanuel coaxed him to roll over and lay on his stomach, arms down by his sides. 

“You should give yourself more credit, Dean.” Emanuel spoke as he began working on Dean’s back. “You are a good man. You are wonderful family to Bobby. You demonstrate your giving nature by volunteering with Ellen and Jo. You have always been kind and patient with me.” Emanuel’s hands smoothed over tense muscles while his words soothed Dean’s guilty conscience. “I consider myself very lucky to have you in my life.” Emanuel had worked his way down from Dean’s shoulders, along his spine and was working his way back up. Dean was slowly melting into the mattress as he let the words and caresses wash over him. 

Dean could swear he almost fell asleep. Emanuel’s ministrations and gentle voice lulling him. That was until Emanuel decided to get a better angle to work on Dean’s shoulders. The shorter man was having trouble reaching properly so he slung one leg over Dean and straddled his waist. Emanuel’s legs were warm and snug around Dean’s hips and his weight was resting lightly just at the base of Dean’s spine. Dean could feel the warmth of him against the bare skin above his jeans. Emanuel’s thin pajama bottoms the only layer between him and the other man’s skin. 

Emanuel continued to work at Dean’s muscles, not yet noticing the flush that was creeping into the skin, or the steadily increasing heart rate. Dean tried to ignore the way that Emanuel’s legs flexed and tightened around his sides as he shifted. He tried not to think too much about the soft yet strong hands and what they could do to him. Dean wanted to simply enjoy Emanuel’s kindness and allow it to soothe his anxious mind. But, when Emanuel leaned in to try to work out a particularly stubborn knot, Dean felt warm breath ghost over his neck and he couldn’t completely smother the quiet moan that escaped his lips.


	5. You are Worthy

“Dean?” Emanuel sounded worried as he stilled above Dean. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, Em.” Dean said as he shifted. Emanuel lifted up on his knees to allow Dean to move. He hovered over Dean while the prone man twisted and settled on his back. “You definitely didn’t hurt me.” He grasped Emanuel’s hips and guided him down from where he still held himself above Dean. Blue eyes went wide as he was settled against a definitely, very not hurt part of Dean’s anatomy.

“Oh!” Dean smiled at Emanuel’s soft exclamation. He had always been the most bashful and restrained of Jimmy’s alters. “I see.” He smiled shyly down at Dean as his face began to heat. Dean reached a hand up to brush his fingers over a rosy cheek. 

“Your eyes really do shine when you smile.” Dean observed. “Even while blushing.” He chuckled softly as the redness increased. Emanuel tried to cover his face with his hands to hide his flaming cheeks and the smile he still couldn’t seem to suppress, even in his embarrassment. But Dean was having none of it. He pulled Emanuel’s hands away and tugged gently until the shorter man was pressed against Dean’s chest. Being unable to hide behind his hands, Emanuel buried his face in Dean’s neck. Dean laughed a bit more and wrapped his arms around the slim back. “Thank you, Em. For taking care of me.” He said before kissing along the collar of the other man’s tshirt. Emanuel shivered slightly at the sensations caused by Dean’s lips and warm embrace. 

“Well…” Emanuel started. His voice was almost too quiet to hear. “I believe there is still something that I can help you take care of.” Dean groaned softly as the normally shy man pressed down against Dean with his hips. Even through his own jeans and the other man’s thin cotton pants, Dean could feel that Emanuel was becoming interested in the change of activities as well. Dean removed his hands from Emanuel’s back to frame the still scarlet cheeks. He used a gentle grip to pull Emanuel to him. As always, their kisses were gentle and unhurried. Dean trailed his fingers from Emanuel’s cheeks to twine in his hair, messing up the previously flattened strands. Emanuel’s hands had moved to Dean’s shoulders where they gripped tightly. Kissing Emanuel was a completely different experience than with any of the others. Emanuel was slow, thorough and he moved his lips and tongue against Dean’s with a tenderness that was almost painful. Dean felt unworthy to have someone so generous and gentle choose him. 

“Emanuel…” Dean breathed out the name like a prayer when they broke for air. When their eyes met Dean noticed that Emanuel’s smile had shifted from shy to joyful. No matter how terribly the day had started, Dean felt absolved in that smile. 

“I believe that I still have something I need to take care of.” Emanuel’s cheeks flamed at his boldness, but he shifted down the bed all the same. When he reached Dean’s waist he undid the belt and pulled it free. He kept his eyes down and focussed as he undid the button and zipper and finally pulled both jeans and boxers down Dean’s leg and dropped them to the floor. Dean expected Emanuel to come back up the bed so that they could resume kissing, but Emanuel stopped halfway. Dean gasped as the dark-haired man leaned down to swipe his tongue tentatively along the underside of Dean’s length.

“Oh, Em...” It took everything Dean had not to thrust up with his hips to find more contact. “You don’t have to do that. Why don’t you come here?”

“I know that I do not have to.” Emanuel said gently as he laid kisses along one hipbone, gripping the other with his hand. “But I enjoy taking care of you. And so I would like to.” 

“God, I don’t deserve you…” Dean breathed as the other man resumed his tentative explorations. He whimpered slightly when Emanuel pulled away.

“What do I have to do to make you believe that you are worthy of care?” Emanuel’s normally tender expression had taken on a slight edge

“Em, I…” But Dean did not know how to finish his thought. He felt tainted in comparison to Emanuel. All of the others had their bad habits, tempers or moments of selfishness. But Emanuel was the most selfless person Dean had ever known. He didn’t think he would ever feel worthy of him. When Dean showed no sign of completing his sentence, Emanuel spoke.

“I suppose that I will simply care for you whether you believe yourself deserving or not.” Emanuel ran a hand up Dean’s stomach to rest above his heart. “Maybe if I demonstrate enough, you will begin to believe.” With his last words he returned his mouth to Dean’s shaft. Emanuel moved the hand on Dean’s chest down to caress over his hip and abdomen. His other hand he used to grip the portion of Dean below the gently gliding lips. Emanuel adopted a slow pace that was maddening and perfect all at the same time. He gripped his hand gently around the base while his tongue worked leisurely along the underside. The hand on Dean’s hip traced patterns lovingly into his flesh. As the slow torture continued Dean rested his hand on Emanuel’s shoulder, pressing in with his fingers slightly as Emanuel varied his pressure. The technique was not perfect but the obvious adoration with which the act was carried out was overwhelming. Dean’s release built as a gentle, simmering heat until it was a near boil.

“Oh Em… God…” Dean’s breath was coming in shallow pants as he used all his composure to keep his hips on the bed “Love you...Em… I’m gonna…” He tried to warn the other man and tugged gently on his shoulder. But Emanuel just gripped tighter and moved a little faster until the slowly built tension in Dean’s gut released all at once. When he was spent Emanuel pulled back and swallowed. He placed a reverent kiss on the softening flesh before moving up the bed and resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. 

“I love you as well.” Emanuel whispered into Dean’s chest, shy smile back in place. When Dean’s breathing returned to normal he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and gently rolled them until Emanuel was lying beneath him, legs open slightly so that Dean settled between them. Dean could feel Emanuel, hot and hard, through the thin cotton of his pants where he was pressed to Dean’s lower abdomen. 

“My turn.” Dean smiled before capturing Emanuel’s lips in a loving kiss. His hand trailed down a slightly trembling side and slipped between them to caress through soft material. Dean began to pull his lips away so that he could return the favor but Emanuel whimpered and clenched his fingers in Dean’s hair, holding him in place. Dean smiled into the renewed kiss as he slipped his hand beneath the elastic waistband to gain a firmer grip, skin to skin. His fingers skimmed over the tip, spreading the gathered slickness to aid his movements. As he twisted his wrist slightly Emanuel pulled back from the kiss to pant against Dean’s lips. 

“Dean...Dean…Oh, Dean…” It was barely a whisper as Dean’s hand increased pace and he moved to kiss along the line of Emanuel’s jaw to the sensitive skin of his neck. Dean bit down ever so gently at the edge of Emanuel’s collarbone just as he squeezed with his hand and suddenly Emanuel’s fingers were gripping tighter into his hair and his hips were shuddering. Dean felt wet heat in his hand and continued stroking gently as he stole the whimpers straight from Emanuel’s lips with his own.


	6. Saint of Lost Causes

Dean continued placing lazy kisses along Emanuel’s neck while the other man’s breathing returned to normal. Once his heart rate had calmed he tilted his head slightly so that he could intercept Dean’s wandering lips with his own. It was not the heated exchange that Dean might have shared with Cas or Levi, or even Godric. This kiss was slow and tender. An expression of love rather than a seeking of pleasure. After several quiet minutes Dean pulled away and shifted off of Emanuel, rolling and pulling the other man with him so that they lay on their sides facing each other.

“I don’t deserve you, Em.” Emanuel opened his mouth to interrupt but Dean placed a finger over the parted lips to quiet him. “But, I am selfish enough to keep you.” Dean pressed a small kiss to Emanuel’s brow.

“And I am stubborn enough to stick around and continue convincing you that you are worthy.” Emanuel’s face was set in determined lines. Dean chuckled at the idea of Emanuel being stubborn. Levi or Godric? Sure they were stubborn. Emanuel was nothing like them.

“Saint Emanuel. Patron saint of lost causes.” Dean grinned and covered Emanuel’s indignant frown with a slow press of lips. By the time he let the other man up for air he looked a lot less severe and a lot more like the benevolent saint Dean saw him as. All gentle smiles and shining eyes. “Let me go get something to clean you up.” Emanuel nodded and shifted slightly to give Dean room to get up. Dean put his discarded boxers back on and headed for the door. He stopped just before stepping over the threshold to look back at the man who was trying to get his hair to lie flat again. He stayed there watching for several long moments until Emanuel finally noticed.

“What is it, Dean?” Emanuel stopped fussing with his hair so that he could give Dean his full attention. 

“Just… Thanks, Emanuel. For today. For taking care of me.” He watched as Emanuel’s expression softened with affection. They were straying towards chick flick territory. Dean cleared his throat and continued. “You’re right. I’m going to apologize to the person I upset. And he’s pretty awesome. Patient enough to put up with me. So I know he’ll forgive me.”

“Of course. You are a good man, Dean.” Emanuel said sincerely. “Anyone who knows you, knows that.”

“Yeah…” Dean rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. He wasn’t great at taking praise. “Still, thanks for reminding me that sometimes it’s ok to be…” He paused trying to find exactly what he wanted to say. “That I don’t have to be… That sometimes it’s fine if I need to be taken care of. Just, every now and then.” He ducked out quickly before the scene could get any sappier. 

On the way to the bathroom he stopped to look at the photos arranged on their bookshelves. There was one off to the right in an old metal frame. His mom was in a bed surrounded by white sheets and looking exhausted. In her arms was a little bundle where a tiny pink nose barely peeked past the blankets. His dad was off to the side wrangling a clearly squirming toddler. And there was his four year old self. His hand was outstretched trying to poke at his new baby brother. Dean picked up the picture and for the first time in a long time, he didn’t try to stop the prickling in his eyes. As the first drop hit the frame he heard a soft voice call his name.

“Dean?” He turned to find the other man right behind him, his face oddly passive. 

“Sorry, guess I got sidetracked on the way to getting a towel.” He smiled sheepishly with red-rimmed eyes. 

“Dean, it’s me.” Jimmy said in a flat tone.

“Shit.” Dean sniffled and turned to set the frame back on the shelf. “Jimmy I… Damn it…” He wanted to reach out to the other man but he wasn’t sure he was allowed so his hands kind of twitched at his sides. “I’m so sorry. I am such an ass. I shouldn’t be allowed to talk. You know I didn’t mean it. You’re amazing and I’m so dumb. I understand if you don’t forgive…”

“Dean.” Jimmy finally took pity and cut Dean off mid ramble. 

“Yeah?” Dean asked quietly, eyes glued to the floor. 

“I forgive you.” Dean looked up to see an exasperated smile on Jimmy’s face. 

“Yeah?” Dean sounded like an idiot repeating himself but he really didn’t care. 

“Of course. I think that, all things considered, I can’t hold a few insensitive comments against you. Especially today.”

“Awesome.” Dean breathed a sigh of relief and then back tracked at Jimmy’s raised eyebrow. “I mean, not awesome about me being insensitive. Or any of that. Just awesome that you know… that you forgive me.” Jimmy laughed and moved into Dean’s personal space. Dean took the cue to wrap his arms around the shorter man while Jimmy’s arms circled Dean’s waist. They stayed there for a few minutes, Dean finally just taking comfort when offered. That is until Jimmy started squirming.

“Uh… Dean?” Dean pulled back a little to look at Jimmy. “I am a little uncomfortable. I think I should go clean up.”

“Shit...Right.” Dean backed up and released the other man. “Sorry about that.” Jimmy laughed at the guilty expression on Dean’s face. 

“I’m just glad you aren’t angry anymore.” He plucked at his pajama bottoms, pulling them away from where they were sticking. “I’ll be right back.” Dean just nodded as Jimmy headed into the bathroom. He returned to looking at the pictures on the shelf. He was staring at one of him and Sammy sitting on the Impala when the bathroom door opened again. Jimmy had taken off his own pajamas and grabbed the bottoms that Dean had left behind that morning. He was shirtless and the pants were just a little too big so that they hung low across his hips. Dean’s eyes trailed over the narrow shoulders, down the pale chest to where there was just a hint of dark curls escaping the low slung waistband. His gaze raked back up, drinking in every inch of skin until he looked directly into warm blue eyes and above to the smoothed down black hair. Grinning he reached over and ruffled his fingers in the black locks making them stick up at all angles. 

“Dean!” Jimmy exclaimed, laughing lightly as he tried to escape Dean’s hand.

“There.” Dean said as he pulled his arm back and giving Jimmy another appreciative once-over. “Now that’s perfect. God, you’re gorgeous.” Jimmy’s skin began to flush and that only made the picture better. Bare feet, loose cotton pants, bed-head and miles of pale skin that was tinted rosy.

“And messy hair makes it better?” Jimmy asked, trying to ignore how his cheeks heated.

“Yup. Emanuel always leaves it too neat.” Dean said as he reached for Jimmy’s hand.


	7. Bullshit, For Two Reasons

“Emanuel, really? I would have thought it was Cas.” Jimmy said while Dean led them to the couch. 

“Nope.” Dean replied as he plopped down and pulled Jimmy into his lap. He didn’t care that they were full grown men. It was soothing to have Jimmy so close, and he was finally allowing himself to admit that he needed that comfort today. He settled them into the cushions and Jimmy reached an arm around Dean’s neck. Dean rested his head on Jimmy’s shoulder while slim fingers traced random, soothing patterns in his sandy hair. He sighed contentedly and continued speaking. “Dr. Gabriel and I have talked about what triggers certain alters. I know you guys have talked about it some, too, right?”

“We have. He seems to think there’s a pattern to it.” Jimmy answered.

“Well I know there is.” Dean said. “I can almost always tell who it’s going to be.”

“Really?” Jimmy stilled his fingers to look at Dean.

“Yeah. I’ve been around long enough, I started picking out the details.” Jimmy had started combing his fingers through Dean’s hair again. “I have lists in my journal about…”

“You’re what?” Jimmy interrupted.

“My journal. It’s not a stupid girly journal. I just use it to keep track of the important stuff so I don’t forget.” Dean told him.

“What’s in your journal?” Jimmy shifted a little so that he was face to face with the other man.

“Like I said, the important stuff. What causes a slip. Who generally comes out in which scenarios. Important dates, like when you came home from the hospital.” Dean tilted his head back on the couch, thinking. “What stores Levi isn’t allowed back into.” He chuckled as he thought about the reckless alter. “What subjects not to bring up with Godric if I want to avoid a giant fight. Castiel’s favorite documentaries or museum exhibits… uh mmph!” His speech was abruptly cut off by a pair of insistent lips crashing into his own. It was quick but intense. “Whoa! What was that for?” He asked as Jimmy pulled away.

“I had no idea you kept track of all that stuff.” Jimmy smiled as he once again resumed carding his fingers through Dean’s hair.

“Yeah, well, if it get’s me that kind of reaction, remind me to tell you about the rest of it.” Dean grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Jimmy laughed.

“Some other time, I would definitely like to know. Right now I am curious as to why you think Emanuel came out today.” Jimmy was very interested in how Dean had started figuring this all out when he couldn’t even predict it.

“Oh. That’s an easy one.” Dean smiled and began smoothing his hand over Jimmy’s leg as he talked. “Emanuel is always around when someone needs to be taken care of. When we got that call about Bobby hurting himself at the shop, serves him right trying to work that rusted old lift alone,” Dean interrupted his own story to grumble about his stubborn Uncle, “Emanuel was the next alter to come out. And when I told Emanuel that I wanted to start volunteering with Ellen and Jo on the weekends, he made an appearance on Sunday so we could go. And today you wanted to take care of me, but I was too busy being a giant idjit to let you. Emanuel is always taking care of people. It’s like he doesn’t know how to do anything else. When Emanuel gets it in his head to help, you kind of just have to let him. Because, he really doesn’t take no for an answer.” While Dean talked Jimmy went very still and quiet. “Jimmy, what’s wrong?” 

“He’s better at taking care of you than I am. What good am I when I can’t even be there for you on the one day you need me.” Jimmy hung his head, not wanting Dean to look at him.

“Well that’s bullshit for two reasons.” Dean stated matter-of-factly. “First of all, he is you. Every single one of them is you. Just different parts of you. And second.” Dean grasped Jimmy’s chin and pulled his face around so he could look him square in the eyes. “Since we apparently live in a chick flick today, I am going to point out that I always need you. Not just today. Got it?” Jimmy nodded. “Good.” Dean grinned and Jimmy couldn’t help a small smile in return.

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you today, and instead you have to reassure me. I really am terrible at this.” Dean was glad to hear that Jimmy’s tone was nowhere near the depressed state he had been in just after leaving the hospital. His comment was more an observation than a defeated acceptance. 

“You’re not terrible at anything. I appreciate that you wanted to take care of me today. And it all would have gone much smoother if I wasn’t an emotionally constipated dick. At least I’m pretty sure that’s how Ellen worded it.” Dean grinned thinking about the sassy older woman. 

“Well, she is very smart.” Jimmy pointed out and Dean laughed. They lapsed into companionable silence for several minutes. Dean continued stroking Jimmy’s leg absentmindedly and Jimmy’s fingers had strayed to making patterns on the back of Dean’s neck.

“Mmm. This is nice.” Dean murmured into Jimmy’s neck from where his head had settled on Jimmy’s shoulder. 

“You know. I would love to hear more about them, your family.” Jimmy said hesitantly. “I mean if you’d like to tell me. You don’t have to. I just thought, maybe…” Jimmy trailed off, not wanting to push.

“No. You’re right. I want you to know about them.” Dean shifted on the couch so that he was settled lower and his head was resting against the back. He adjusted Jimmy until the smaller man was resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. When he was sure they were both comfortable he started talking. “Did I ever tell you about the time that Sammy and I took the Impala over to the sorority houses out at the college?” Jimmy shook his head. “Well now that’s an interesting story. I thought Dad’s head was going to pop when we finally got home. His face was so red!” Dean chuckled at the memory even as his eyes started misting over, the pain of missing them setting in. “You see Sammy was turning fifteen and, amazing older brother that I am, wanted to make sure he had a birthday he wouldn’t forget…”

And so Dean told Jimmy all about his family. He talked about the apple pie that Mary used to make, that Dean could still remember from when he was very small. He told Jimmy about John and the absolute train wreck that was him teaching Dean to drive. And how John decided he would never survive teaching another teenaged boy, so Dean taught Sammy out on back roads in the Impala. Dean told so many stories that it felt like he talked all day. When it got too hard and his throat got too tight, Jimmy would kiss him softly, wipe the wet tracks off his face and wait patiently until Dean could continue. When Dean’s stomach protested the lack of food they ordered veggie pizza in memory of Sam and ate close together on the couch. By the end of the day Dean felt like a mountain had been lifted from him. Jimmy better understood the joy Emanuel found through his gentle and patient nature, and with that understanding a shattered piece worked its way further into the whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked Emanuel's story. I think that Godric is going to be up next, but I have a really busy few weeks coming up, so I am not sure when that will be. Comments, Kudos and suggestions are greatly appreciated.


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